I ran over the phone cord with my wheel chair again

Ways cube monkeys demonstrate superior skills of working, without really working:

Calling the IRS and placing them on hold while you leave your desk (increase talk-time again)

Calling a number and instantly putting them on hold, doing this several times in a row allows you to build up "talk time" without really talking to anyone.
( you can put many people on hold at once to dramatically increase talk time or to show the boss your "busy bee working, go getter attitude" )

Purposefully dialing disconnected #s

Creating a "list" of people who asked to be called but disrespected us in someway so that they may be punished. Why the fuck would you hang up on someone like me? I have 8 hrs. to call, your phone number, and nothing else to do... good luck giving everyone your new number dip shit.

Using staples to create different designs -- "staple art"

Talk to worthless a prospect for multiple reasons - wasting talk time, making fun of them, helping them re-discover and reminding them what loser's they are.

Discovering all that google has to offer "Street view" enough said

Realizing that those around us who are taking this very seriously spend plenty of time finding pictures for app updates so we spend equal amounts of time doing the same for our parody email responses to each other.

Continually emailing back and forth pointing out every imaginable problem or concern we have with each email.

Cleaning my desk

Listening to XM - x-rated comedy and Opie and Anthony online with one ear bud while starring into space and laughing out loud.

Being moved every 2 months for no reason whatsoever - cube juggling.

Know that you have a loser prospect on the phone. Drag out the conversation to get them engaged only to set up a big question, like, "what do you see
yourself doing in 3 to 5 years?" and then hang up on the dummy...knowing that they are on the other end blabbing about bullshit while you laugh and get
back on IM to share the joy

When a prospect hangs up on you... call back and say " HEY - I'm sorry, I think we got disconnected, and I ran over the phone cord with my wheel chair again" - got ya dummy!

Calling whatever the last number is every 10 mins so that managers monitoring us don't see hour long of idle time

POD Wars?!?

4/21 - Monday morning, and again I have to clean up the large amount of pointless app update emails, thanks douche bags. One email states a "new" friendly cube monkey competition will begin and is titled "POD Wars". This stupid ass contest bothers me in multiple ways. First of all, it's another example of this pre-school like management style showing it's awesome face. I can image them sitting around in their meetings coming up with one asinine idea after the next, and this week it's POD Wars. Second of all, who comes up with the cube monkey terminology like POD's? And why is there a "War"? Most of these cube monkeys would urinate on themselves if you even pointed a water pistol at them. Is this terminology in Wikipedia? Third, with the term POD war, I immediately think of correctional institutions. POD War might result in a lock-down. "We had a large riot last night in B-POD". I envision that someone would be laying on the ground with a tooth brush stab wound. Makes me think too....its fun dreaming about giving the shank to the KALD.
-oh yeah, they moved my desk, again; as if it's home-room in middle school. All the other cube monkey's dumped all their trash on the desk I am supposed to move to because I left work early Friday... I may just take this extra monitor home for my pain and trauma or maybe I should contact MySafeWorkPlace, because I feel picked on, and now un-safe from further and future attacks at a place which should be my safe haven. Lets create some BS paperwork for the preschool manager...

HR Issue

Given a view about corporate life in general it's important to realize that as the company gets bigger and the personalities more diverse lawsuits can happen, just is the reason for HR and programs such as MySafeWorkplace. When used correctly this can take up an amazing amount of managers time dealing with all the BS a typical work environment produces. Case in point, an employee with equal status to me has been here longer and is substantially older. He is seen a tenured rep, or in my book a KoolAid for Life Drinker(KALD). Consequently he does his job in the eyes of our boss pretty well and is suppose to help me grow as an employee. Since I don't particularly enjoy our growth meetings I try and keep them a short as possible which seems to offend the poor KALD; he takes the issue up with our manager who then sends me an email and follows up with a brief "did you see my point in the email about your growth?". Yes I saw the email, and I'm growing just fine...growing to hate you all.

A student responds...a gem.

Keep in mind that this brain tease was referring to student aid.

"i got my replay from Saly may and i dent get the loanso im going to try to get grants i found 3 or 4 that i may go just have to send the app's in i will call you , when i have know more."