Nursing? So you like to work with sick people? --how about business administration with a concentration in marketing and sales!!?

Today it was 4 1/2 hours into my work day before I actually got a lead. This makes my job rather difficult, considering I’m supposed to call these people. When one finally arrived I almost jumped out of my chair and exclaimed “I GOT A LEAD!” Holy fuck, that’s exciting, a chance to actually do what is in my job description. I call, it rings for about 30 seconds and goes to voicemail…..now what?

Actually, if the person just doesn’t answer…that’s one of the better outcomes. Pretty frequently the number is disconnected, and even more often it’s a wrong number. Between those that don’t answer, or gave a wrong number, that’s about 50% of my leads. People that actually want to talk to you…maybe 5-10%. The others fall in the following categories:

“Interior Design? No I’m looking for nursing”
“College? I already have a degree. And I didn’t request any information, I don’t know how you got my information”
“You want to talk to Taylor? This is Taylor’s mom, he’s 14 years old”
“Sam is dead”
“Is this about the work from home job?”
“I’m looking for a PHD program, do you have that?”
“I’m already a student at ___ University”

Seriously, how the fuck are we advertising. Maybe one out of every 15 people I talk to really wanted information, about half of those actually want to talk to someone on the phone…. I might as well sit outside of Walmart with a giant sign and booth with loan applications and end up with a better conversion rate--WTF. Seriously, a dead person? 14 year olds? Hell I’ve called an 8 year old before…. And today I’ve gotten 1 new lead all day (45 minutes to get a 2nd one) … who would you like me to call? The person that has never answered, or the guy who already has a master’s degree” And unbelieveably, these people are no longer considered “invalid leads” because, as the thought goes “it is your job to sell him on a degree here” OKAY TOMMY, WELL I KNOW YOU HAVE A FULL SCHOLARSHIP TO AN ACTUAL UNIVERSITY, BUT YOU SHOULD DROP OUT SO I CAN DEBT INITIATE YOU ASS WITH AN ONLINE DEGREE—ALL YOU NEED IS A VISA, MASTERCARD, OR CHECKING ACCOUNT—WHICH ONE WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY????”

The Dark Side

the cube monkeys have been in fear of employment as of late...seems this blog might have leaked to management and on top of that we flat out dont do our jobs very well. seems we all have attitude problems. In all seriousness it's pretty amazing these days of what corporate America expects of you. It's not just job performance that matters. Even if you outperform you peers if they appear of have drank more kool-aid then your ass its you who gets the walking papers. A history teacher once told the class that it was perception, not reality, above all else that mattered in shaping history. Nothing could be more true in the cube monkey world. piss off just one person by telling them like it is and instantly you have made an enemy out of them and those that they influence. Working here is constant damage control and continual misinformation distribution in the form of fake smiles and doing what it takes to not have an enemy. If you cant play this game, you're fired...

Then again this does have important benefits, first and foremost is the impressive 4 month average turnover rate. it gives me the opportunity to really influence those around me and shape their time here...

I welcome the newbies by my casual bitching about the job...planting the seed of hate and disdain for this is what makes me feel like I am changing lives for the better. Come to the dark side, where sanity makes a comeback and men behave as anything but cube monkeys