3 weeks later and they still piss me off

So I quit over three weeks ago and I can't get away from these fuckers. Getting the 'ol penis jerk about my final paycheck and they owe me almost $700. I've had enough and the last polite voicemail has been sent...I already have the Dept of Labor bookmarked in my favorites. Chances are after I post this google will have put 10 relevant links surrounding the blog from law firms too.

Ended up getting a new job the day after I walked out. Yeah I'm lucky. I'm still in a cubicle, but its not 3x the size. The irrelavant emails have stopped, I no longer get pictures and graphics of creepy, pedophile looking assholes kicking an old woman in the head either. People actually return my calls, the purpose of my job isn't just to exploit the dreams of desperate people, and my boss doesn't wave his finger at me if my lunch is 5 minutes long. Don't worry, I'm sure the complaints will come.

I should quit more often

Before I even left the building, a woman I almost started working for before I took the godforsaken job gave me a call..... I didnt really want to take a 35% pay cut so I ended up politely excusing myself from the conversation. The day after, before I even managed to get my unemployed ass to the job ads, I got a call back regarding a terrible interview I conducted. Apparently they were desperate? Irregardless, they asked for some references (thank you fellow cube drones) and gave me the job today. The cube gods are looking over me... or just want to make sure I am reigned in. And yes, I will be working from a cube--so I will continue to post from this blog.

Rumor has it another monkey has quit, and has found another cube job as well. Congrats. Another rumor has the 3rd cube monkey is being placed in the same cage with the King monkey. This is certain to lead to laughter

I quit my job today

Are you jealous? Thats right fuckers, I walked out...couldnt even make it to the end of the day. At will employment=no 2 week notice necessary.

Instead of focusing on the "now what?" question, I'd like to discuss the "why did you quit?" issue...considering I have an answer for that.

Well actually I have at least ten answers for that.

#1) Poor lead quality: As discussed below. I cant stress enough how fucking ridiculous and frustrating it is to get no actual leads and sort through tons of bullshit old ones, finally get one person actually interested in going to school, and have them tell you they are getting married and want to wait till the fall. Perfectly reasonable or not, that person is an asshole.
#2) Even when I get someone to answer the phone, I'm not always happy about that.... as they are often painstaking to talk to.
#3) I realized today, that the only positive about the job was the possibility of making a lot of money....meaning an unjustifiable amount of money. Well, today I realized that it would realistically take 9 months to get there--meaning, to actually receive that better salary, I'd be looking at having worked at this current miserable situation for at least 2-3 years. Holy fuck. If there is a way to waste my 20's, that would be it.
#4) Micromanaging bosses
#5) Barraging emails from people that worked in either a toy store, or the manufacturing department of Summer's Eve. Basically, these emails were written by children (the ones my kids will beat the shit out of), or real fucking douche bags. 2nd hand douche bags even.
#6) Liars, and the lies they tell. There is only so much listening to my boss break the law and tell a niave, young person that they will make 80-90k as a starting salary. The lack of morality was astounding.
#7) 75k for a nationally accredited online university? And the only financial aid available comes from the federal government? Okay, as some people put it "fully accredited" ... unless of course you wanted to go to graduate school or transfer those credits, in which you would hear "we dont recognize that institution as a school."
#8) This education is good for ... almost nobody. Ever wonder how a school can have a graduation rate of 52% and a retention rate of 26%. Thats George W. Bush math.
#9) If you can't keep your promise about giving me a $10 giftcard for winning a contest, I'm sure as fuck now going to trust your promises about how much damn money I can make.
#10) Existing is no way to go through life.

Manager quotes from the meeting Friday...

1) "Well, to be honest, our April term was “whore-rendess”."

Oh, that’s a real knee slapper Knob Job.

2) “We track them a little bit...” ...says Knobber Jobber....

-Oh, this is when discussions of the largest contributing factor within our compensation matrix are mentioned, also called PGE's....

What did you just say? You track the largest contributing factor to my compensation and my ability to get a raise, “a little bit.”
I should jump over this desk and bite your face, you sumummabitch.

-Then, you have the perspective of the new hires: “Wait, what? Did you say PGE? What is a PGE?”. Can you imagine, working at your real job, or a real company, and you are in a meeting 5 weeks after starting your job out of training, and you hear that? We don't track your success, only your failure.

They basically don't give a horses pa tut on whether or not you understand exactly how you attain a raise.

"If and when you eventually find out, we will have a paper trail of corporate sheets that will basically bury you; physically and mentally, until you quit."

My thoughts in the meeting: "... can I fight off the tunnel vision of premeditated hurtfulness?"

You can reflect on this all the way back to the day you start if I may because there are so many precious moments from here to there.

First Day:
“Here you go new employee, here is your new hire booklet where you will have everything you need to know inside of it; also called the ‘Book of Knowledge’.” Go get herpes.

holy crap am I attached to this paycheck in this market...

Nursing? So you like to work with sick people? --how about business administration with a concentration in marketing and sales!!?

Today it was 4 1/2 hours into my work day before I actually got a lead. This makes my job rather difficult, considering I’m supposed to call these people. When one finally arrived I almost jumped out of my chair and exclaimed “I GOT A LEAD!” Holy fuck, that’s exciting, a chance to actually do what is in my job description. I call, it rings for about 30 seconds and goes to voicemail…..now what?

Actually, if the person just doesn’t answer…that’s one of the better outcomes. Pretty frequently the number is disconnected, and even more often it’s a wrong number. Between those that don’t answer, or gave a wrong number, that’s about 50% of my leads. People that actually want to talk to you…maybe 5-10%. The others fall in the following categories:

“Interior Design? No I’m looking for nursing”
“College? I already have a degree. And I didn’t request any information, I don’t know how you got my information”
“You want to talk to Taylor? This is Taylor’s mom, he’s 14 years old”
“Sam is dead”
“Is this about the work from home job?”
“I’m looking for a PHD program, do you have that?”
“I’m already a student at ___ University”

Seriously, how the fuck are we advertising. Maybe one out of every 15 people I talk to really wanted information, about half of those actually want to talk to someone on the phone…. I might as well sit outside of Walmart with a giant sign and booth with loan applications and end up with a better conversion rate--WTF. Seriously, a dead person? 14 year olds? Hell I’ve called an 8 year old before…. And today I’ve gotten 1 new lead all day (45 minutes to get a 2nd one) … who would you like me to call? The person that has never answered, or the guy who already has a master’s degree” And unbelieveably, these people are no longer considered “invalid leads” because, as the thought goes “it is your job to sell him on a degree here” OKAY TOMMY, WELL I KNOW YOU HAVE A FULL SCHOLARSHIP TO AN ACTUAL UNIVERSITY, BUT YOU SHOULD DROP OUT SO I CAN DEBT INITIATE YOU ASS WITH AN ONLINE DEGREE—ALL YOU NEED IS A VISA, MASTERCARD, OR CHECKING ACCOUNT—WHICH ONE WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY????”

The Dark Side

the cube monkeys have been in fear of employment as of late...seems this blog might have leaked to management and on top of that we flat out dont do our jobs very well. seems we all have attitude problems. In all seriousness it's pretty amazing these days of what corporate America expects of you. It's not just job performance that matters. Even if you outperform you peers if they appear of have drank more kool-aid then your ass its you who gets the walking papers. A history teacher once told the class that it was perception, not reality, above all else that mattered in shaping history. Nothing could be more true in the cube monkey world. piss off just one person by telling them like it is and instantly you have made an enemy out of them and those that they influence. Working here is constant damage control and continual misinformation distribution in the form of fake smiles and doing what it takes to not have an enemy. If you cant play this game, you're fired...

Then again this does have important benefits, first and foremost is the impressive 4 month average turnover rate. it gives me the opportunity to really influence those around me and shape their time here...

I welcome the newbies by my casual bitching about the job...planting the seed of hate and disdain for this is what makes me feel like I am changing lives for the better. Come to the dark side, where sanity makes a comeback and men behave as anything but cube monkeys