There are worse things I could have become...

So now that my job is eons better then my last one I have gotten a bit more reflective about jobs in general. I've realized that my previous job was not my first truly awful(see previous post) job, nor do I have some unique ability to find amazingly bad jobs because I have found people with much, much worse. Namely a profession aptly named “Bull Fertility Specialist”. This job is exactly what you think it is only much more hands on and involved. The world loves meat and that meat needs to come from somewhere. The people responsible for allowing all of us meat loving, overweight Americans to have such great tasting meat have a very specific way of maintaining product quality…it starts with the ingredients. “Research has shown that a one percent change in reproductive performance will generate up to 3 times more return on investment for cow/calf operators” Yes, ladies and gents it’s the sperm that makes the difference, so only the best sperm will do. Now I swear on everything holy I was clueless on this subject up until the moment the discovery channel completely enlightened me and blew my mind at the same time. Let me paint for you the picture of how this all goes down. Now it was decided at some point that normal bull on cow sex was just not going to cut it in the fast paced meat industry, so “retrieving” the “samples” from the bull and artificially inseminating all the cows with only the best bull product was the only way to go. Now that seems reasonable enough but all reason and logic stops here. You see the way they get these samples is absolute insanity and I swear I am not making this up. A bull is brought into a ring…fifteen of his closest buddies watching, another bull is then brought into the same ring and is lead to the rear of the other bull and mounts the now lowest bull on the totem poll. I have no idea why there are two bulls involved and why there cant be a cow on the bottom but whatever, at this point a Bull Fertility Specialist(BFS) notes that the fifteen bulls watching are “learning what to do and becoming aroused”. So it seems we are all eating meat that essentially comes from gay bulls, interesting. Also, I’d like you to think about the bull being mounted. I’m sure he didn’t volunteer for this, his buddies are watching and are more then amused and your supposed friend is about to completely violate everything you hold dear…wow, that sucks. Anyway, back to my point, here is when the BFS really earns his keep. Just at the moment the bull is mounting the other bull the BFS grabs the main meat of the mounting bull and sticks it into the cup where it dispenses the best and brightest future cows. Let just make sure we are clear on this…he grabs the bulls 2 foot long, 15 pound member so the bull may “produce” in a way that can be later used to make many thousands of cows. Bull Fertility Specialist is really a better way of describing a “big dick grabber”, that is his job, thank god its not mine.