Born Free into a Cage

That's it, I'm screwed up, I don't fit or belong here when here is considered normal society. I look at people and I'm jealous, not because I want to be them but because they somehow fit the bill for success in this time and place, at least on a mental level. On paper I am gifted with everything any human could possibly want on the build list at birth, not the least of which was being born into a family that spoke English and lived in America. It puzzles the daylights out of me how I fit the bill for high probability of success right now in some views but it is because I so desperately wish that I was still hunting for survival that I am nearly incapable of fitting into the pigeon hole of an alternative adaptation for the modern man. I DO NOT FIT HERE! I would like to be scared out of my mind trying to kill a buffalo with wooden spears and finely chiseled stone. I would like to be at the risk of the weather, changing herds and a mirage of other impossible to overcome variables. I am in constant search of something that feels even vaguely close to the real life we all use to lead such a relatively short time ago. The part of my brain that says I'd like to keep you warm and safe is now almost permanently turned off for the simple reason that it's never had to be on. I stare over the edge of cliffs, I play with guns, I climb mountains and trees, I like to ride motorcycles in the rain, I've done an ironman triathlon, I enjoy bombing down steep declines at 57mph on human powered two wheelers with semi trucks passing inches away and suddenly I'm getting the ingenious idea of drafting the truck for more speed. I know that I am not the average but there is no way I am different. Normal people take risks everyday while driving and don't even realize it because suddenly they become complacent. I can't possibly be the only person that would have made a bad ass high plains Native American, or a incredibly advanced cave man. I wish I lived in a time of Troy and Cesar, I would have cleaned up in that time. Alexander? Alexshmander compared to the ME of B.C.! I don't want to be fixed either, I don't want my Ritalin, Prozac, herbal tea or daily jog circling the neighborhood. I want to do what I want when I want with the only motivators being hunger and immediate survival. Clothes, status, money, beautiful women defined by the tides of fashion...no. I want to feel alive. I want to be something greater then part of a colony of ants working together in harmony. I am rouge. I am brave and I am fearless. But wait...

I can't cut my umbilical cord to society. It's not that I cant do without it, but reasonably there are a few people in this world that would miss me if I went off the map even if I would get along without them. Is that an excuse? Is that really my excuse for caving in? Where the fuck did my backbone run off to? Should I buy into the fact that I really do make up a link within a greater chain? I read a quote by Aung San Suu Kyi - "It is part of the unceasing human endeavor to prove that the spirit of man can transcend the flaws of his own nature" and I guess it's time for me to evolve. Those flaws came from necessity of years past, not present. It's in my nature to say the weak die and nature is cruel. But I guess we are past that. I guess I'm past that and its time to accept my role, even if it is small. I am part of society no matter if I like that or not, I can either waste my ability pretending to be in danger all the time or actually make a difference if by no other way then being counted among the masses in support of a good cause. Mother Teresa once said "We can do no great things, only small things with great love", and I'm ready to embrace that. Strength in numbers is about the only thing society has going for it, but it is a start. We face more problems then ever before largely because together we have never been this far. It's all new and there is a steep learning curve. The reason we form society is to give ourselves more security, and while I still want to feel vulnerable at times maybe that's what motorcycles are for. Let's look out for one another, lets work together, lets help each other maximize our talents, lets look out for the little guy and the ones down on their luck. Lets not expect or demand the government to do this for us. I'll take heart in the idea that this small role becomes a big one when together we create a better place grow. So go to work, feed yourself with surprisingly little effort, make conscious decisions about life and the friendships you choose, create love. It might not all feel natural because, well, it isn't in some ways. But we are moving along and one day the history books of the future will look back and write a hopefully long section of our years in a positive tone using words such as progression, advancement, self-actualizing and ego-less. Lets all just remember that we are one; for and with another.

That's the kool-aid I'm drinking for today, and I made it myself.

"We have no great war, we have no great depression..."

A friend mentioned how he met someone in law school today who nearly died climbing a mountain this weekend that ironically my friend and I were climbing as well. Turns out this guy made a mistake, it was foggy and he fell blind into the abyss. Luckily for him is was a shallow abyss and he came away thoroughly beat up but none the worse for the wear. In fact he was probably more alive in the moment then I have been in years. I cannot remember the last time I nearly shit myself, and hell I've never actually shit myself. I don't think that's because I have stronger then average sphincter muscles...it's because I live in a world rightfully obsessed with safety where death by anything other then really old age is looked at as a statistic to be tracked, mended and fixed. We have safer cars and planes, more effective and far removed war, guns with safety triggers, lions, tigers, and bears oooh my all tucked away from us in cages or outside our own cage that is society.

I don't fear death, I fear a lifeless life.

Why do people skydive, scale mountains, race motorcycles or step out of the soft and clean womb of our daily lives?

It is the modern mans way of feeling alive in this disney world full of safety.

more later....back to being a monkey

Something more worthless...

By request - Hamsters

Lets start with admitting that once again these are adorable creatures. And you know what? For a small percentage of these little bastards that live in households of the western nations this very cuteness is the basis for a viable survival strategy. Yes, thanks to many a children’s desire to hold something furry and reasonable parents need for a low maintenance pet, we have the domesticated hamster. Let’s be honest here, human and hamster relationships are not natural. There are no cave paintings depicting a hamster helping our hunter/gatherer ancestors with a big hunt of bison and woolly mammoth. It’s the recent adaptation of humans holding captive the tiny rodent(yea that’s what they are really called) for our own amusement. Perhaps it illustrates that on some level we would like to get back to our caveman roots…how else can you explain otherwise normal human beings fascination of these creatures doing incredibly boring things in order to live in the plastic 30 gallon sized container that is their world. Are we that fascinated by a creature eating when it is hungry, running endlessly on a wheel(feels like many a cube monkey job) or frustratingly burrowing in half a centimeter of wood chips? How much possible enjoyment can one person get out of “taking care” of an animal that, if placed back in its natural habitat, would survive completely on its own? I mean really this brings up all sorts of psychological, playing god questions and maybe those who like to rule the hamsters are really searching for more control in their own lives. But I digress I’m getting off subject, this post is about hamsters and the odd and somewhat worthless role they play in the world I know.

Hamsters are the bottom of the food chain, and while that is in itself important, I just want to point out that depending on where they live in the wild they truly are on the menu for everything from snakes to eagles. You remember my favorite animal, the eagle, right? Yea I bet little hamsters everywhere know and fear the eagle. Cute little balls of joy know the only defense against extinction they have is breeding like mad. And in fact that is how the bigger prey are bigger: genetics and…volume baby! Yes, they eat lots of these little guys. But christ, there won’t be much of the fun associated with creating more of your kind as happy meals while being stuck in that neon plastic palace created with love and care by the caregivers, thank you PetSmart. Hamsters only live 2-3 years in captivity, thus providing a nice life lesson and traumatic event of childhood to the young caregivers and employing a therapist for an hour or two down the road as a result. All and all this is a horrible setup for everyone involved. Leave them in the wild were they are most useful and tasty.

I was challenged to pick on something even cuter then a penguins, and I did. The only thing more worthless then a penguin is a hamper in captivity. I hope I have shamed anyone thinking of owning a hamster to not own one, thereby keeping snakes and eagles everywhere slightly more full. Any more topics you would like my highly bias opinion on?